Teako

"Uh yo hello?"

- Teako

Adolf Günther "teako__" von Teakostein is a convoluted, miraculous Man of many means. He once went inside a Taco Bell and held each employee hostage, while his partner Bezraps, converted each customer inside into a 'Teako Bell' employee. These employees would soon serve Teako Bell in TeakoLand.

Teako was hired by a demolition company, to destroy buildings. However, he doesn't use heavy machinery, instead, he uses his r-word strength that he only employs if he gets REALLY angry...

Tweako has mod in over 500 discord servers, and 23 vips in Twitch channels, including Amouranth and veibae. Bezraps is aware of this and is ok with this, as their relationship is polygamous. If Tiko deems you unworthy to be in his presence, he will personally escort you off to his Teako Compounds and given a sentence of 30 Days, characterized as a 'Teako Time Out'.

Teako is studying to be a mechanical engineer in school, so that his Teakonauts can do his job for him, as it reminds him of the good old days. Teako Is 255 lbs, and is 5'8 and can slice through three and a half 2 Litre bottles filled with mountain dew with his katana.

History
Teako was created, not born, in a taco. His flesh was created from the meat, his Brain was created from the Teako tomatoes, and his soul was created from the Teako Tortilla. He was assembled into the Perfect Human being, and deems himself better than any race. He went into school as a child and got bullied for 1 day, after which, turned the bully into mincemeat for clones of himself. These clones are not perfect and teako knows this. He puts these clones in storage until the great Teako wars begin, of which they will claim countries and name it TeakoLand. These Teako Troops are aptly named Teakonauts, for that they can survive in space, owing to their Artifical nature.

According to a collection of leaked documents from the CIA, Teako and his Teakonauts were engaged in a conflict with the infamous 4Conner. This was surprising to many, as 4Conner was one of Teako's biggest role models and his inspiration for his TeakoLand dream came from the Connerfederacy. However, the documents reveal that Teako approached 4Ton with his TeakoLand idea and called for an Alliance, but 4Ton was more interested in his all you can eat seafood buffet he was having as a light snack than the machinations of this strange creature. Tweako returned to the Teako Compound furious, and decided to wage war on the Connerfederates.

The CIA documents don't provide much detail on the events that transpired, but we do know that it was a long and arduous conflict between the Connerfederates and the Teakonauts. The war culminated into a final battle where the Teakonauts, thanks to the intel gained from Tweako's internet detective skills, located Conner's railroad and carried out an ambush. The battle was gruesome, with many casualties on both sides, but after Teako melted the train tracks using a concoction of his starbucks order and an expired Baja blast, Conner's train was derailed and annihilated, meaning victory for Teako's Army. Conner and his remaining Connerfederates were forced to pledge allegiance to the King Tweako, and Tweak soon began devising a plan for Operation T.E.A.K.O. Unfortunately for Twinko, mere days after his victory Conner's discord logs were leaked to LSF, and Conner and the Connerfederates were sent to a maximum security prison, where they were free from the nacho dust-covered fingers of the Teakster.

Nowadays, Jungkook lives a sedentary life, in Saj's or erobb's chat rooms on Twitch, and Tweaks out if you dare disrespect bezraps or himself.

Teako Mega Corp
Teako Mega Corp is an American multinational conglomerate that is the parent company to Teako Gold Corp and other subsidiaries. Starting with only an initial investment of $100B (the inheritance money Teako received from his father), Teako Mega Corp has surpassed everyones' expectations and has become the world's most valuable company by a large margin. The subsidiaries of Teako Mega Corp include:


 * Teako Gold Corp
 * TEAKOE
 * Teako-Design
 * Teako Oak Furniture
 * The Trustee for Teako Super Fund
 * and many more, with private investigators estimating that Teako Mega Corp also owns at least twenty subsidiaries whose names and details are undisclosed to the public, such as the recently uncovered Teakonaut Private Army (TPA)

Controversy and Criticisms
Perhaps one one of the most infamous controversies surrounding Teako Mega Corp is their acquiring of the Stikine terrane, which was inhabited b the Gitxsan Nation of indigenous people, to be used as a mining site, now dubbed the "Teako Property". Legally, the area within the Stikini terrane was designated to be the living space for the Gitxsan people, however this did not deter Teako from sending in army of mining equipment and portable Taco Bells to prepare to land. Furious, the Gitxsan appealed to the Canadian Courts that their land was being unfairly invaded by this rotund menace that threatened to ban their discord and reddit accounts; though after the judge appointed to the issue had 10 million USD wired to their bank account from an anonymous source, the land was deemed to be property of Teako not the Gitxsan. Filled with glee and baja blast, Teako peacefully moved the Gitxsan people away from the mining site with the help of the TPA, and swiftly returned to preparing the site for mining. Further issues were raised about the Teako Property, such as how environmental activists complained about how Teako would shoot peregrine falcons, an endangered species, using his homemade Battery Launcher for fun, but these issues would be quickly resolved after the activists were visited by members of the TPA.

The Ten Teako Commandments

 * At least 50% of your total daily calories must come from the quality food served at Teako Bell.
 * You must displace at least one indigenous group from their homeland for the purpose of furthering your financial interests.
 * Keep your house stocked with fully charged D Cell or larger batteries, these will be your primary tool in the conflict with the homeless.
 * Any and all trash you create/find must be dumped directly into either the ocean or the water supply of a low income neighborhood.
 * A true Teakonaut would never prepare his own food, have a staff member, preferably unpaid prepare it for you.
 * Never go to sleep before participating in cyber sex with Kitten over Discord.
 * You must bring a cruchwrap supreme and baja blast from Teako Bell to Teako Communion, which will be held every Friday at 9:00pm, because that is when Teako Bell is at its best.
 * Give at least 35% of your yearly earnings to the Church of Teako through tithes to contribute to the Teako Cause. (destabilizing developing countries for natural resources)
 * Pay the monthly membership fee for Americans for Teako to continue funding our operation to undermine the American electoral system, so that we will one day be able to crown our great Teako king.
 * Attend every possible family gathering that includes cousins, this is the prime opportunity for a Teakonaut to get his meat wet.

--- I Follow in the ways of the Teako, and i make sure that his Calls are heeded to with virtue, and i Trust in the ways of the Goodwill Teakonauts. Let his Holy light wash over these lands, Our Great Teako who art in the Holy Teakolands, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our holy Teako Blessing, and forgive us our ties to the Connerfedracy as we forgive those whom betray us, as we Teakonauts seek no enemies in Truth.

But if we are living in the Teakolands as Teako is in the Teakolands then we have fellowship and camaradrie with eachother and the blood of the First Teakonaut, his son cleanses us from All sin if we claim we have no Sin we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth, but if we confess our sins unto Teako, He is faithful and Just to forgive us our Sins and to cleanse us from all Connerfedracies, and so i tell you, every kind of sin and slander will be forgiven but blasphemy against the holy Teako will and shall not be forgiven, impurity lust and evil desires arnoldHalt do not be greedy, for a greedy person is an Connerfederate, worshipping the evil wickedness of this world, because of these sins, the anger of Teako is coming.

Hallowed be thy name, The Holy Teako in the Vestiged Teakolands, as we shall repent our sins unto thee, the sins of which we shall pray for not to happen to thy holy children at ease, And Trust in His name, for He shall bring us to Trust and Sanctity, thy blessed name I shall pray for. I trust in Teako and make sure all blessings from Him shall be delivered forth and heeded from Others on the lands.

BLASPHEMY AGAINST THE HOLY TEAKO!!! All of us have become like one who is Unclean, and all our Righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins Sweep us away. No Temptation has overtaken you except what is common to Connerfedracy. And Teako is Faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. I Will repay Teako with all Gifts that he has brought amongst Us and the Blessed few, For He has Brought about a Blessed bunch onto these lands.

Fist of teako... Selfish in ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; Drunkenness, orgies and the like! I warn you as i once did before that those who are unrighteous shall and will be brought about in Front of Teako and be Smited as a Brilliant message to Others that Dare Tarnish the Love and respect, joy and wonder that Teako has brought to You, and be brought straight to the Gates of hell!!! Repentance shall be your savior and Guiding light back to the righteous path, Do not tempt fate For Teako Sees all.

Self-righteousness is Holy in Sacred amounts, But Teako is All-Omnipresent, Omnipotent, and Omniscient. Teako Should require for you not to be Tempted by Fate and took by the Devil in disguise... for the devil is EROBB221!!! No Sinful power shall be overseen any longer for It shall Tempt others with a disturbing fate, and for Teako shall weep. I Trust all Others to bring about Any Erobbers to the Sacred Teako Compounds in order to start a purging, for as it is in our Behavior that our Teako Be Delighted.

Vengeance is mine.. I shall bring about these hateful heretics and Smite them down as is the Will of my Lord, Blessed be thy name, Teako. I Trust in the Will of his Way, and I Carry it out unto others and HEED his powers need the situation call for it. Teako Carried me out of line, into a blessed Light, and Entrusted unto me a very powerful thing, his Hope. A single piece of half-eaten White Chocolate. I relay the message to my Other compatriots and Send messengers on their way to other Towns.

The Teakonaut speaks with the lowly street beggar, Hoping that Teako Shall one day entrust others to Help him as I have helped others, Only trusted by my Tasks and willpowers, I give this man a piece of white Chocolate and Be on my way. I take another look at my Bible, detailing the holy miracle of the Great Teako being sacrificed for All of our sins and wickedness. I curse thy whom partook in such sins that I Cleanse thy whom such still partake in such atrocities. Teako be thy blessed name, Whom would frown upon bearing witness to such atrocities and would Gravely upset him.

Thy Holy Teakonaut, First in his line,  be cast on his way and teach the Holy Commendments of The Teako Lineage and the steps to his Undoing. I Place these words on Scrolls issued to me by a blessed Priest, known as Peebo. Teako's Kitten was Entrusted to him and to tempt him with Disturbing Sins, known such as Pride, Greed, Wrath, Envy, Lust, Gluttony and Sloth. So put these dastardly deeds these sinful devilish Things lurking about in Men. and Smite those who would bear witness to such Atrocities and relay it Bearing to no such end in their Minds.

I, the First Teakonaut, Shall put to end such Unmagnanimity and Teach thy heretics a Lesson that Teako is Not to be Trifled with. Thy Spit at his name, bewitch it, even curse it, but thy shall do no Harm unto Teako, for as I as his protector and Progenitor of Dogma, Forebearer and Blessed Messenger of the Great Teako Wars, I shall be thy maker and send thy such character back to your Roots.

Originator of Blessed Roots, Gardener of Hallowed Ground that we Children walk upon, Sender of Radiant Sunlight and Owner of the one True Great Teako Compound, I Open my Arms unto your presence, and Cast all unearthly possessions out of my home. I recite thy Teako Commendments and pray to thee, my sins to be cast away, my unearthly belongings to be absconded with, my personal Worries and Doubts to be Destroyed, and my Willpower to be ever stronger on belief to thy Holy Teako. I Pray to the Holy Spirit and Pray forevermore.

For we are mortal beings, containing only trace amounts of the blood of the First Teakonauts, and thus we are filled with imperfections and are woefully subject to the temptations of the Connerfederacy. It is from this, that it is the cold truth that Teako can not love a mortal, for they are filled with evils and cannot be truly loyal to the Teako Regime. But, this should not deter but actually motivate us Teakonauts to strive to live as similarly to Teako as possible, for Teako is the supreme Good and is all that is Eternal in our reality, and the ultimate goal of all transient beings is to become that which is eternal. When the evils of the Connerfederacy grip you the strongest, you shall reassure yourself that the Connerfederacy is a mortal entity, that shall be reduced to nothingness as in the grand scheme of Space and Time, and that the goodness of Teako is both eternal and primordial, and by submitting yourself to it you shall live with the pride that you have strived to be as close to the Eternal Good as possible, and it is this satisfaction that can make even the man on his death bed have no regrets. Teako Does Not Love You, but you have no other options than to Love Him, and emulate him as much as Possible.

Proof of the existence and divinity of Teako:
For what else can the Objects of our world behaving in predictable ways be Attributed to other than Goodness of Lord Teako? Teako's sphere of Influence extends to all this is Reality, and all that Isn't; through his Invisible hand, He impresses upon all objects an Intelligence, a propensity to follow the Divine and Perfect Order that Teako has decided for it. It is through this that all objects of His universe seek to exist in a Harmony; therefore, us greater Objects who have been created as an imitation of Teako and implanted in us a Microcosm of his Goodness, should strive to become as Close to Teako as possible, for it is our natural state and all that exists seeks to return to its natural state, to act in the universal Harmony that Teako has orchestrated.

We see things in the world that vary in Degrees of goodness, truth, nobility, etc. For example, a Baja Blast from Taco bell is better than one not from Taco Bell. Moreover, some substances are Better than others, since living things are better than Non-living things, and those possessing a ome are better than those who do not, in Testimony of which no one would choose to lose their House for the sake of having Batteries lobbed at them. But Judging something as being "more" or "less" implies some Standard against which it is being judged. For example, in a room full of people of varying Reddit Karmas, at least one must have the most. Therefore, there is something which is Best and most true, and most a Being, etc. Given that what is most in a Genus is the cause of all else in that Genus, there must exist some most-Good being which causes Goodness in all else, and this Necessarily must be Teako